How I Got Fat?

I didn’t grow up fat. I was actually pretty thin until college and after. So how did I get fat?

malaika burley high school cheerleading picture how i got fat post
Me in Highschool Cheerleading Squad picture

I couldn’t ever really pinpoint why I gained weight. I would try to lose it. I would lose some and then regain it again. Sometimes people gain from something traumatic that happened or they’re depressed. That wasn’t my case. I just kept going through the cycle of gaining and losing.

It wasn’t because of lack of knowledge that I got fat. Honestly, I think most of us know that it boils down to eating better and moving our bodies more. So I wasn’t depressed, nothing traumatic happened, and I knew how to lose. So why wasn’t I keeping the weight off when I lost it?

How I got fat?

senior picture of malaika burley how i got fat post
Senior Pics. That hairstyle was cool back then

I went to a life coach for help with my business. What I didn’t realize was that I was going to uncover the real reasons why I put on weight and kept putting it back on after I lost it. I was using my weight as a way to protect myself. I was putting on weight as a way to reject other people before they reject me.

When I think back to the times my heart was broken, disappointing my family, being hurt by “friends”, the rejection from people that I wanted to accept me. It made sense. I was tired of being hurt by the people I loved and cared about the most. I was a people pleaser so this rejection hurt…deep. So I decided, subconsciously, to pack on weight to keep people away.

I would lose weight and then some heart break or hurt would happen and I would gain the weight again. Sometimes more than before.

So what’s different now?

malaika burley sitting on a throne with a crown on in new orleans how i got fat
After losing 75 lbs the first time

So I’m just starting my weight loss journey to lose about 200 lbs. But this time is different. I’m not doing it for anyone except me. This time the only person I care about pleasing is the Lord. I realize that what He thinks of me and how He loves is ultimately what matters. I know that He’ll never break my heart. I know that He will comfort me when I’m hurt by man. And that He’ll give me strength when I am weak.

As I grew in my walk with Christ. I got the strength to break free from the opinion of others. I’m not saying I don’t care about other people or what they think at all. But what I am saying, is that I know first who I am to the Lord and that trumps any other opinions.

I can tell mentally things are different for me this time. I feel ready to release the weight for good. I don’t need it as a barrier or for protection any longer. I’m ready to be myself again. I’m ok being vulnerable again. I’m ready to be my best self.

How I Got Fat?

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