I didn’t grow up fat. I was actually pretty thin until college and after. So how did I get fat?
![malaika burley high school cheerleading picture how i got fat post](https://malaikaburley.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/cheerleading-pic-blurred.jpg)
I couldn’t ever really pinpoint why I gained weight. I would try to lose it. I would lose some and then regain it again. Sometimes people gain from something traumatic that happened or they’re depressed. That wasn’t my case. I just kept going through the cycle of gaining and losing.
It wasn’t because of lack of knowledge that I got fat. Honestly, I think most of us know that it boils down to eating better and moving our bodies more. So I wasn’t depressed, nothing traumatic happened, and I knew how to lose. So why wasn’t I keeping the weight off when I lost it?
How I got fat?
![senior picture of malaika burley how i got fat post](https://malaikaburley.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/me-16.jpg)
I went to a life coach for help with my business. What I didn’t realize was that I was going to uncover the real reasons why I put on weight and kept putting it back on after I lost it. I was using my weight as a way to protect myself. I was putting on weight as a way to reject other people before they reject me.
When I think back to the times my heart was broken, disappointing my family, being hurt by “friends”, the rejection from people that I wanted to accept me. It made sense. I was tired of being hurt by the people I loved and cared about the most. I was a people pleaser so this rejection hurt…deep. So I decided, subconsciously, to pack on weight to keep people away.
I would lose weight and then some heart break or hurt would happen and I would gain the weight again. Sometimes more than before.
So what’s different now?
![malaika burley sitting on a throne with a crown on in new orleans how i got fat](https://malaikaburley.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/20200830_203321-662x1024.jpg)
So I’m just starting my weight loss journey to lose about 200 lbs. But this time is different. I’m not doing it for anyone except me. This time the only person I care about pleasing is the Lord. I realize that what He thinks of me and how He loves is ultimately what matters. I know that He’ll never break my heart. I know that He will comfort me when I’m hurt by man. And that He’ll give me strength when I am weak.
As I grew in my walk with Christ. I got the strength to break free from the opinion of others. I’m not saying I don’t care about other people or what they think at all. But what I am saying, is that I know first who I am to the Lord and that trumps any other opinions.
I can tell mentally things are different for me this time. I feel ready to release the weight for good. I don’t need it as a barrier or for protection any longer. I’m ready to be myself again. I’m ok being vulnerable again. I’m ready to be my best self.